Prepare yourself - Some scenes may not be suitable for younger children.

Dearest Readers,

There are many things in this world that, frankly, are simply wrong.

Yes kids, Scrubbie here at the dinglee-doo this evening.

First, however - no lights purchased today.

Went to the trading post. Alone, I might add. But, it was a zoo. It was a nightmarish, busy as heck, the world-is-coming-to-an-end-tomorrow-so-I-better-buy-the-stuff-today zoo. Oh - nothin that was a smokin' hot bargain either. So, empty handed I returned to the igloo.

Unless somethin changes, it'll be candles this year.

So - things that are wrong.

1. Wars that are fueled by simple disagreements that could be solved by easy compromise or human understanding. Scrub's not one of them smartie-pants that has all the answers. Nope. I'm sure the river runs deeper that what I think. But, seriously - one side wears blue and the other side wants to wear blue too. So they think the solution is strapping bombs to people's bodies and sending them to community gathering spots. Or, they outfit 12 year olds with automatic weapons and tell 'em to go git 'em. It's wrong. Sorry if you're one of them that wants to wear blue, or think that someone else's property line goes through your yard, or that your God is better than the next guy's God. But, seriously - there has to be a better way. What works for Scrubbie is me and the next guy sittin' down over a beer and havin' a chat. It works. Honestly.

2. Parents and Children. This is a rather broad umbrella when it comes to being "wrong". Parents that are abusive to children. Adult children who are abusive to their aging parents. Issues of neglect. Parents who are too selfish to put their children ahead of themselves. Heck - any situation where an adult is taking advantage of a child or vice versa. It's all wrong.

3. Fish

4. Those that don't like Star Trek - incredibly wrong.

5. But, the ultimate in wrong... the pinnacle of wrong... the absolutely, definitively, and most utterly of wrong... I shudder at the very sight of it; cringe when I click the mouse to see it; cry at the thought of it... is...

I mean... seriously!?!

Shhhhh. Please read quietly.

Afternoon kids - tiz I - yer ol pal Scrub.

Yes, it's a Sunday afternoon here in the Great White.

Today, my friends, Scrub must forage. No, not for moose and other varmints for eatin'. No. Foraging today is all about them little lights that Scrub has to put up next week to adorn the igloo for the Christmas holiday season.

Sadly - the last set of lights the ol boy had have died. It was a slow, painful, dim death - but there ya have it. Gone.

So - it's off to the local trading post to see what kinda deals Scrub can score.

And, as ya'll know, Scrub don't much like payin full price for things. It's gotta be on sale and it's gotta be a deal. If it ain't - then Scrub don't buy. Simple as that.

This, of course, has the Wife slightly alarmed. The Wife knows that what will come home could be potentially anything - depending on what's on sale and what is a deal.

She wants to come with me.

That is dangerous. See... Scrub's a pushover when it comes to his darlin' lovie-boo. If she pours on the eyes and uses that voice of hers in just the right way... Scrub can be convinced to buy damn'd near anything. It's not that I dont want her to come. Heavens no. It's just that when Scrub's alone - it's much easier to scope out the good sales. Shop comparatively. Make sound deal-gettin' decisions. Ya know?

There is, of course, a solution to this dilemma. This dilemma of sharing in the joy of selecting pretty twinkly lights that are one of the hallmarks of the Christmas season for us here at the Scrub Shack. The dilemma marrying our desire to have these pretty things shining their happy goodness on glistening new fallen snow - casting auras of green and blue and red across the tundra and of doing all of this while being attentive to pricing and cautious with pennies.

Yes, there is a solution to this dilemma.

Scrub's gonna sneak out and not tell anyone he's going.

The Same Old Song.

5:35 am. Every morning.

Howdy boys and girls - Tiz I... yer old pal Scrub here. Sunday morning.

So - here in Scrub's part of the Great White - we've been treated to some fancy dancy weather. In fact, was so nice yesterday that Scrub rustled up the Kid and we hit the great outdoors. No, No... not for huntin. Not for fishin. (GAWD... not for fishin). No - instead it was a great day to batten down the hatches 'fore the snow starts flyin all permanent like. I tell ya kids - couldn't have been nicer out there.

The Wife had her delicate digits all over Scrub's mouse last night. WOOOOOHOOOOOO! hehe

Seriously though - the Wife commandeered the Toshiba last night and whippped together another digipage. See - there it is. Nice, eh?

That was a pic from when the Kid turned Teen. Just a few weeks ago.

Hey - it was so nice out yesterday, Scrub even

fired up the BBQ and me and the fam had weenies for lunch! Love it - mid November and fire in the pit.

So - 5:35 am. Let me tell you 'bout this nonsense.

The ol internal clock has been going off around 5:30 every day. Seriously. 5:30. And, dont know 'bout you all - but when Scrub's internal clock goes off - pretty much gotta answer the call.

Every morning. Driving me crazy. Get up. Quietly creep around the igloo careful not to wake the Wife and the Kid. Hell - lunatic dog even looks at me with disdain. Kinda the "What the bark are you doin?

Have tried a couple of strategies to deal with it.

Done the warm milk thing. Like drinkin straight from the teat that is. Blech.

Couple of cocktails before bedtime. Nothin. Fun, but didn't help the early morning thing.

BUT - I figured a new strategy. Sort of a negative reinforcement thing. Here's the plan:

*Ding - internal clock goes off. Scrub wakes up. Instead of creeping around the igloo - gonna wake the Wife. Lights on. Blankets off. WAKE UP!

Now - make no mistake. The Wife - she aint a morning gal at the best of times. Nope. Not one little bit. Growly. Grumpy. Confused. Nope, not a morning gal.

If Scrub wakes the Wife at 5:30 - without a diamond ring or Scrappy outing planned - she is gonna be a bear. Big time. She'll be miffed. And, rightly so - will let Scrub know - in no uncertain terms - exactly what she thinks about her hubby wakin her up without a diamond ring to ease the pain or scrappy outing planned. NO UNCERTAIN TERMS.

This, my friends, is not something that I would look forward to. In fact, avoiding such an encounter is the whole reason that I creep around the igloo in an attempt not to awaken the crowd.

BUT - if my brain knows that danger is at the door by wakin up the bear - then perhaps it will keep Scrubbie asleep until a more reasonable hour!

Oh sure - I don't WANT to have to resort to such measures. But, guy's gotta sleep. Right?

I shared this clever plan with the Wife.

The Wife - ummm...less than enthusiastic about the plan.

The plan will not be going into effect.

November 11th.

At the eleventh hour of the eleventh day of the eleventh month...

we remember.

Ugh. Fish.

Nasty little buggers.

Hiya boys & girls - it's your old pal Scrubbie.

Gotch'er clickin' finger ready? Ok - CLICK HERE. When you do - you'll be taken back to a posting from - oh, I dunno - a while back anyway. There... you'll learn that Scrubbie - he don't like fish. Go ahead - click away. Just be sure to hit the BACK button or whatever the hell it is up there. I'll wait for ya.

Back? Ok. Read on.

I wont go on and on about the devil spawn. Not again. Suffice to say - eeeeewwwwwww. No. Wait... I should use capital letters. EEEEEEEWWWWWWW. Oh - and an exclamation mark. EEEEEWWWWWWW! More? EEEEEWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Better? Good. (always here to oblige ya'll)

You get the idea. Scrub... he don't like fish.

Today, Scrub had a lunch date. OOOOOOOHHHHHHHH!

Oh, good heavens - it was a lunch date with a business colleague. All chit chat about marketing and job descriptions and interviews. Nothin' like lunch dates with the Wife when we get googly-eyed at each other over salad and sandwiches. They're much more fun.

Anyway - lunch date. Business colleague.

And - we went to the Mandarin restaurant. Been? It's like this Chinese food buffet that stretches on for a block. Insane. Tasty. But insane. Where else can you chow down on Sweet N Sour chicken balls, onion rings, potato salad and pizza at the same time? Seriously. Where?

So, I get there and a very very polite Kimono wearin' young'en escorts me to a table.

Plunk. There I am. At the table.

Oh - sure... nice table. Clean. Cutlery nicely laid out. Tablecloth.

Very pleasant chap comes over to bring me a glass of H2O. I ask for a Diet Cola with a wedge of lemon. The usual.

Sounds all groovy, don't it?

Well - here is where the horror begins.

I am seated directly beside this big-ass tank of devil spawn. Ooooglie buggers too.

I mean this tank is a mid-wall height to ceiling tank that is clear on both sides and serves as a gal-dang wall 'tween Scrub's eatin' room and the next eatin' room. A WALL! OF DEVIL SPAWN! A WHOLE WALL!

See what I mean? In the pic there? Ugh.

I calls the Wife on one of them newfangled cordless, wireless, magic phones.

"Wife!" I says.

"Hi Boo" she says.

"Wife!" I says. "I am sittin' here at the restaurant beside a gal-dang wall of Devil Spawn. EEEEEWWWWW."

"Well - why don't you move to another table?" she says.

Uh-Oh. Logic.

Logic has been introduced into an otherwise completely scattered, ADHD cluttered, Gemini dual-personality influenced male brain. What the frack?

Heart starts racing. A single bead of sweat glistens off my brow. Damnit. Logic.

"No" I says. "Can't do that" I says.

"Ok. Whatever." she says.

Curses.

See - I am man. There's no moving to another table just 'cause Devil Spawn is ogling me.

No - there'd have to be something pretty serious to alert the staff that I needed to move.

Structural damage to the building that I noticed, perhaps? Structural damage that could potentially cause death? Even that - borders on not being a good reason to move. No. I am stuck there. No getting around it.

Deep breath.

Oops - here comes the colleague. Can't do nothin' about it now.

I stand up. Extend my hand and take firm grip of his. We swap greetings. We sit.

I very carefully turn 17.5 degrees to the right so that Devil Spawn is not in my direct line of vision.

The colleague doesn't notice. Phew.

This, my friends, is how I must endure the next 120 minutes.

Ugh.

Advice from Scrubbie. I love to help.

"How's the weather up there, eh?"

'Ello, 'ello kids. Scrub at the keyboard. How are ya?

Here's a travel tip for all you planning on a Canadian adventure. It's pretty easy to get along here in the Great White. For the most part, we're an easy goin' bunch. We're not hard to get along with. And, you don't have much to worry about in terms of mingling in and amongst us.

First - be sure to stop in for coffee at Tim Hortons. They are easy to find. Just go down any major street and within a couple of blocks - you'll see one. Stop in. That's where you'll find most of us. In there.

You need to know directions? Places to go? Things to do? Lodging for the night? Go ahead - ask us. Only too happy to share.

Feeling a little nervous about striking up a chat with a total stranger? No problem. Here, my friends, I will share with you perfectly good ice-breakers that will warm the heart of any true Canuck.

1. "Did you see the hockey game last night? What was the final score?" (Don't worry about which game specifically. The truth is that there is hockey going on 365 days a year 'round here. Regardless the town you're in... regardless the time of year... regardless who you speak to - there IS a hockey game to talk about.)

2. "I can't believe it's {insert day i.e. Monday, Wednesday, Friday etc}." We here in Canada are always... and I mean always astonished when we wake up in the morning that it is whatever day it is. If it's a Monday - we cant believe the weekend went by. If it's Friday - we cant believe the weekend is upon us. It's nice actually. Being astonished like this. Every day. Always exciting. In Canada, our preference is to have just one day. All the time. Every day. Saturday.

3. "What's your favourite bagel?" Sure - Timmies has doughnuts, biscuits, soup and sandwiches. But - it's the bagel that rocks our world. Everything bagel. Toasted with herb & garlic cream cheese. Yum. Or Cinnamon Raisin... toasted with butter. Just don't order from the corner of Belmont and Glasgow in Kitchener. They suck.

4. The final tip - and the best tip: "Can you believe the weather, eh?" Now kids... take Scrub's word for it. If nothing else - learn this phraseology. Black or white. Short or tall. Fat or thin. Man or woman. Hunter or fisherman. It doesn't matter. "Can you believe the weather, eh?" is the one phrase... no... make that the ONLY phrase you need to know in order to cut through a crowd and make a friend here in the Great White. Be sure to dedicate a good 5 minutes to the ensuing conversation. Yes - the conversation isn't really so much of a conversation as it is a verbal tennis match of single words or short sentences resulting in... well... resulting in absolutely nothing. Expect something like:

YOU: Can you believe the weather, eh?

THEM: I know!

YOU: Beautiful! (or Snowy, or Cold, or Rainy... you get the idea)

THEM: Ya. Too much.

YOU: Well, it could be worse.

THEM: That's fer shure. Could be (colder, wetter, snowier, nicer etc. again... you get the idea)

YOU: Then we'd be askin' for this.

THEM: Got that right.

YOU: At least it's not... (insert anything that is worse than what the current condition is)

THEM: That's fer shure.

YOU: Hey - how do I find the local trading post? (or whatever you are lookin for)

At this point - the Timmies patron and his or her pals now have accepted you into the circle and recognize you as a trusted friend. You will receive directions. They will also likely add "have a good day, eh" at the end. Listen for this phrase - you'll hear it regardless of any accent you might find in the country. This is your cue that the conversation is done and you are now free to travel again.

Don't worry if you didn't catch all the directions or instructions - there's another Timmies only minutes away and a fresh batch of Canucks, ready to lend a hand.

Just mention the weather.

"I know it was you Fredo. You broke my heart."

S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y NIGHT!

Evening boys & girls. It's yer ol pal Scrub here. How are ya?

Soooo.... The Wife is scrappin' outa town. The Kid - at Bing & Bong's place. Just Scrub and the lunatic dog at the igloo tonight.

Spent the day today soakin' up some of the last nice weather I think we'll be havin. Was outside beginning the shut down process for the shack 'fore the snow flies and the temp drops to -100.

Honest to goodness kids - there really ain't nothin to report. Sad, eh?

You'd think with the igloo to myself, I'd be havin' a wing ding or somethin' goin on. But nooooo. Had a date with the washin' machine. Me and the kitchen sink spent some time together. Oh - and the vacuum and I shared a rather intimate moment. Huh? OH C'MON... you know darn well what I mean. Sheesh. Filthy monkees.

So - tonight, Scrubs fillin his glass with golden nectar that is Crown Royal. And, in between folding some sheets and towels, he's puttin' his feet up and catching The Godfather II on the tube.

Chatted with the Wife earlier. She's havin a good time with gal pal the Joodster. The two of them with their scrappin' biz - In A Pinch Designs... just secured themselves another wholesale account. Some store somewhere that's gonna be carryin' their stuff. Not sure, off hand, where - but somewhere out there - ya'll are gonna be treated to some kewl paper and glue traditional scrappin'.

Oh - speakin' of scrappin... here's a little digi somethin'-er-other that Scrub put together.

As ya'll might recall, the Bro-In-Law, JR, brought over his wee fella, Whoagun, for the traditional Halloween visit. The squirt was dressed up in one of his favourite TV character costumes. So - Scrub thought "why not go all out?" hehe

I just love throwin the kids into scenes like this.

WooHoo Photoshop.