Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Quchjaj qoSlIj!

Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, Scrubs & Scrubettes, it's my buddy, The Geek's birthday today!

Hey kids - yer ol pal Scrubbie here. How are ya'll doin?

See him? There he is. My buddy - Geek.

So - here's what we're gonna do. Scrub's gonna list a few items here. The list - well, it's a list that will do two things.

First - the list is going to give you all, m'darlin Scrublings, a bit of insight into why Scrub calls him The Geek.

Second, and here's the fun part of us, every time you see one of the items on the list, you will know that Geek is squealing like a little girl on Christmas morning - giggling with delight. Ready?

1. Quchjaj qoSllj! (Happy Birthday, in Klingon)
2. Star Trek - take your pick
3. BattleStar Galactica
4. 10001 001010 (Happy Birthday, in Binary Code)
5. V - the series
6. "Chevron 1 - locked."
7. Linux
8. 20 Million Candle Power flashlight fights in the fog
9. GPS Trackers on Geek's and Scrubbie's phones - we know where each other is at all times. *Squeal!
10. Floorplans done up before furniture gets moved
11. The Q Continuum
12. Beta verison
13. Finding a website IP address without Web/Command prompt access = Score!
14. 967-1111
15. Big Bang Theory

Lets all just pause for a moment so Geek can collect his thoughts - have a cold shower - calm down.


So, yes kids - it's Geek's birthday today. I, for one, am happy to call him a pal.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Prepare yourself - Some scenes may not be suitable for younger children.

Dearest Readers,

There are many things in this world that, frankly, are simply wrong.

Yes kids, Scrubbie here at the dinglee-doo this evening.

First, however - no lights purchased today.

Went to the trading post. Alone, I might add. But, it was a zoo. It was a nightmarish, busy as heck, the world-is-coming-to-an-end-tomorrow-so-I-better-buy-the-stuff-today zoo. Oh - nothin that was a smokin' hot bargain either. So, empty handed I returned to the igloo.

Unless somethin changes, it'll be candles this year.

So - things that are wrong.

1. Wars that are fueled by simple disagreements that could be solved by easy compromise or human understanding. Scrub's not one of them smartie-pants that has all the answers. Nope. I'm sure the river runs deeper that what I think. But, seriously - one side wears blue and the other side wants to wear blue too. So they think the solution is strapping bombs to people's bodies and sending them to community gathering spots. Or, they outfit 12 year olds with automatic weapons and tell 'em to go git 'em. It's wrong. Sorry if you're one of them that wants to wear blue, or think that someone else's property line goes through your yard, or that your God is better than the next guy's God. But, seriously - there has to be a better way. What works for Scrubbie is me and the next guy sittin' down over a beer and havin' a chat. It works. Honestly.

2. Parents and Children. This is a rather broad umbrella when it comes to being "wrong". Parents that are abusive to children. Adult children who are abusive to their aging parents. Issues of neglect. Parents who are too selfish to put their children ahead of themselves. Heck - any situation where an adult is taking advantage of a child or vice versa. It's all wrong.

3. Fish

4. Those that don't like Star Trek - incredibly wrong.

5. But, the ultimate in wrong... the pinnacle of wrong... the absolutely, definitively, and most utterly of wrong... I shudder at the very sight of it; cringe when I click the mouse to see it; cry at the thought of it... is...

I mean... seriously!?!

Shhhhh. Please read quietly.

Afternoon kids - tiz I - yer ol pal Scrub.

Yes, it's a Sunday afternoon here in the Great White.

Today, my friends, Scrub must forage. No, not for moose and other varmints for eatin'. No. Foraging today is all about them little lights that Scrub has to put up next week to adorn the igloo for the Christmas holiday season.

Sadly - the last set of lights the ol boy had have died. It was a slow, painful, dim death - but there ya have it. Gone.

So - it's off to the local trading post to see what kinda deals Scrub can score.

And, as ya'll know, Scrub don't much like payin full price for things. It's gotta be on sale and it's gotta be a deal. If it ain't - then Scrub don't buy. Simple as that.

This, of course, has the Wife slightly alarmed. The Wife knows that what will come home could be potentially anything - depending on what's on sale and what is a deal.

She wants to come with me.

That is dangerous. See... Scrub's a pushover when it comes to his darlin' lovie-boo. If she pours on the eyes and uses that voice of hers in just the right way... Scrub can be convinced to buy damn'd near anything. It's not that I dont want her to come. Heavens no. It's just that when Scrub's alone - it's much easier to scope out the good sales. Shop comparatively. Make sound deal-gettin' decisions. Ya know?

There is, of course, a solution to this dilemma. This dilemma of sharing in the joy of selecting pretty twinkly lights that are one of the hallmarks of the Christmas season for us here at the Scrub Shack. The dilemma marrying our desire to have these pretty things shining their happy goodness on glistening new fallen snow - casting auras of green and blue and red across the tundra and of doing all of this while being attentive to pricing and cautious with pennies.

Yes, there is a solution to this dilemma.

Scrub's gonna sneak out and not tell anyone he's going.