Monday, November 9, 2009

Advice from Scrubbie. I love to help.

"How's the weather up there, eh?"

'Ello, 'ello kids. Scrub at the keyboard. How are ya?

Here's a travel tip for all you planning on a Canadian adventure. It's pretty easy to get along here in the Great White. For the most part, we're an easy goin' bunch. We're not hard to get along with. And, you don't have much to worry about in terms of mingling in and amongst us.

First - be sure to stop in for coffee at Tim Hortons. They are easy to find. Just go down any major street and within a couple of blocks - you'll see one. Stop in. That's where you'll find most of us. In there.

You need to know directions? Places to go? Things to do? Lodging for the night? Go ahead - ask us. Only too happy to share.

Feeling a little nervous about striking up a chat with a total stranger? No problem. Here, my friends, I will share with you perfectly good ice-breakers that will warm the heart of any true Canuck.

1. "Did you see the hockey game last night? What was the final score?" (Don't worry about which game specifically. The truth is that there is hockey going on 365 days a year 'round here. Regardless the town you're in... regardless the time of year... regardless who you speak to - there IS a hockey game to talk about.)
2. "I can't believe it's {insert day i.e. Monday, Wednesday, Friday etc}." We here in Canada are always... and I mean always astonished when we wake up in the morning that it is whatever day it is. If it's a Monday - we cant believe the weekend went by. If it's Friday - we cant believe the weekend is upon us. It's nice actually. Being astonished like this. Every day. Always exciting. In Canada, our preference is to have just one day. All the time. Every day. Saturday.
3. "What's your favourite bagel?" Sure - Timmies has doughnuts, biscuits, soup and sandwiches. But - it's the bagel that rocks our world. Everything bagel. Toasted with herb & garlic cream cheese. Yum. Or Cinnamon Raisin... toasted with butter. Just don't order from the corner of Belmont and Glasgow in Kitchener. They suck.
4. The final tip - and the best tip: "Can you believe the weather, eh?" Now kids... take Scrub's word for it. If nothing else - learn this phraseology. Black or white. Short or tall. Fat or thin. Man or woman. Hunter or fisherman. It doesn't matter. "Can you believe the weather, eh?" is the one phrase... no... make that the ONLY phrase you need to know in order to cut through a crowd and make a friend here in the Great White. Be sure to dedicate a good 5 minutes to the ensuing conversation. Yes - the conversation isn't really so much of a conversation as it is a verbal tennis match of single words or short sentences resulting in... well... resulting in absolutely nothing. Expect something like:

YOU: Can you believe the weather, eh?
THEM: I know!
YOU: Beautiful! (or Snowy, or Cold, or Rainy... you get the idea)
THEM: Ya. Too much.
YOU: Well, it could be worse.
THEM: That's fer shure. Could be (colder, wetter, snowier, nicer etc. again... you get the idea)
YOU: Then we'd be askin' for this.
THEM: Got that right.
YOU: At least it's not... (insert anything that is worse than what the current condition is)
THEM: That's fer shure.
YOU: Hey - how do I find the local trading post? (or whatever you are lookin for)

At this point - the Timmies patron and his or her pals now have accepted you into the circle and recognize you as a trusted friend. You will receive directions. They will also likely add "have a good day, eh" at the end. Listen for this phrase - you'll hear it regardless of any accent you might find in the country. This is your cue that the conversation is done and you are now free to travel again.

Don't worry if you didn't catch all the directions or instructions - there's another Timmies only minutes away and a fresh batch of Canucks, ready to lend a hand.

Just mention the weather.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Hey Scrubbie You should talk about the weather on the elevator, nothin we can do about it (grump, must be colder & or hotter up there on the 10th flr, or no comment but yeh no conversation but sometimes a smile. Guess I should get out to Timmies more often. Luv ya Mommalou