Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Allow me to introduce you...

Get ready kids - there's a new player in Scrubbie's world.

Howdy boys & girls. Yer ol pal Scrubbie here.

Scrub is one lucky fella. There's all kindsa folk 'round the Great White that take part in the saga that is Scrubbie.

Lots of 'em you know already. The Wife, the Kid. Some of the kids punk pals - Bing & Bong and Eddy Haskell. The Outlaws. Mama Scrub & Papa Scrub. JR - The hunky Bro-In-Law. Hurricane. Hurricane's sister Tornado. Hurricanes punk kids - Big D and H2. There's my pal Geek. Naked Guy (yech). Cuzin Dolphin. Oh - and the lunatic dog. Sure - there's more. But - Scrub just needed to get yer brain in gear.

Well - time to bring someone new to your attention.

Scrubs, Scrubettes - allow me to introduce you to... (drum roll please)... Duct Tape Trunk Guy.

Yes - Duct Tape Trunk Guy.

Sure - I'll explain.

See - as you know, the Kid - plays Soccer. (Football for all you U.K.'ers visitin' ce soir) And, at our regular Soccer (Football for all you U.K.'ers visitin') practices and games - there's this fella... whom we shall henceforth call Duct Tape Trunk Guy. And, he is called Duct Tape Trunk Guy 'cause... well... (ya, yer puttin it together, aren't ya)... 'cause he drives this go-kart that appears to be held together by... ummm... duct tape. Dude's got it everywhere on the buggy. But, what make the wife and I take a pretty serious second look is that dude keeps his trunk (or 'boot' for all you U.K.'ers visitin' ce soir) closed with duct tape. Tons of it. Everywhere.

Duct Tape Trunk Guy - he's a Coach as well. Noble, eh? Dude takes time out of his day to give young'ens here in the Great White some adult wisdom and guidance through sport. Nice.

But.. wait... there's more.

Duct Tape Trunk Guy gots a lead foot. And drives his buggy, held together by duct tape, at stupid speed on the dirt roads to and from the soccer fields. Ya - where the punks are all crossin to get to their practices and games.

Duct Tape Trunk Guy - not the best when it comes to parking his buggy either. In fact, last week - parked so close to Scrub's go-kart that Scrub had to seriously suck in his gut (chisled and fabulous as it is) just to squeeze myself into the cockpit.

Duct Tape Trunk Guy - also has some of Scrub's go-kart paint colour on his buggy, held together by duct tape, cause Duct Tape Trunk Guy is an idiot parking too close and swingin out his door - puttin a fresh dent in Scrub's.

And, Duct Tape Trunk Guy - who is a coach, and was, in fact the coach of the opposing team tonight at the kid's soccer game - is a loudmouth, obnoxious, boob. (giggle - I said 'boob' on the interweb)

Oh... make no mistake kids - Scrub does not like Duct Tape Trunk Guy. No, not one little bit.

Tonight, in fact, I was sayin to the wife.... "I dont like Duct Tape Trunk Guy".

So, dude, if yer readin this little scribble...

1. slow down. There's kids around for goodness sake.
2. just 'cause you drive a sh*tbox doesnt give you the right to bang the heck out of other people's go-karts
3. dude - yer a real-estate agent. Ya - saw your business card on your dash in amongst all the crap in the car. you seriously think this is a good image?
4. Scrub's gots a couple 'a years on ya. Let me share this nugget of wisdom. If yer go-kart needs to be held together by duct tape - it's time to get a new one.

Maybe Scrub's just bitter that our team lost by 1 tonight to Duct Tape Trunk Guys team.


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