There are many "marker dates" - times of the year that roll around once every three hundred and sixty five.
Hey kids - Scrubbie here. How are ya'll doin?
Yes - every year it comes. Like the night. A dark shroud that falls upon Scrubbie and his existence. A time where, despite my best efforts, nothing changes. It remains the same. The results are consistent despite pro-active changes in behaviour. (Gee - I guess I paid attention in Psych 101 back in University)
It is... *gulp... Roll Up The Rim To Win time here in the Great White.
Canucks - ya'll know what I'm talkin' about, right?
For you non-Canucks and landed aliens alike - allow me to explain. (Canucks - ya'll can grab yourselves a Timmies for a min or two - you won't miss much. We'll be here when you get back.)
Here in the Great White - we Canucks are obsessed - I mean REALLY obsessed with our National Franchise - Tim Hortons. Not only was Tim a really cool Hockey Player (Hockey - that's reason #1 we are get stiffies over this place), but it's the home of our coffee. Dark, deep, delicious, nectar of the gods, sustainer of life, blood plasma substitute - coffee. The phrase "Large Double Double" is actually a part of the Canuck dictionary. In the Great White, it's prit' near impossible to travel more than a couple 'a city igloo blocks without comin' across one. We Canucks simple refer to the stop as "Timmies".
We love our coffee.
And, each and every year, Timmies puts on a lil' promo (as if they need it - we Canucks freak out without our Timmies. Even set up a Timmies overseas for our fightin' boys in uniform just so they have a taste of home. Crazy, eh?) called ROLL UP THE RIM TO WIN.
The plot: git yerself a cuppa. Drink it. Then use your pearly whites to unroll the lip of the plasticy-carboard up to see if you win somethin'. There are 1000's - 10's of 1000's of prizes. Everything from another cuppa the liquid gold to treats that give us Canucks extra blubber to beat the cold, to new dog-sleds and even gas-sucker vehicles. A car! I know - just for drinkin' a coffee. Wild eh?
So - there ya go - that's the low-down on it all. Got it? Good.
Now - here's the kicker. Of all the 100's of thousands of prizes available to be won - I don't win any of them. Nope - none. Nadda. Zip. Zilch. Ever.
Seriously - Not kidding. In fact, it has become a running joke amongst the Scrubbie Fam.
The wife - she wins. No, not a car, dog-sled, Flat Screen or any of those big boys toys. She wins Coffee, Doughnuts, Muffins, Bagels - stuff like that. But, she wins. And, she rubs it in.
It has become a source of pain in our relationship. Each year, the risk runs higher that the 20 odd years we have invested in each other is close to coming crashing down.
She calls me. On the phone. When she wins. And, just "mentions" it. Or, we'll be headin' out somewhere and stop off at a Timmies - place our order and then quietly pull out the winning tab and gives it to me. In other words - she not only stabs me in the chest, but twists and turns the blade to inflict maximum pain and damage. Exaggerating? Me? Nooooooo. Never. It is what she does.
Friends also call me to let me know that they have won. "Scrubbie..." they say... "have you won yet?"
"No". I am blunt with my answers.
"Scrubbie..." they say... "awww, that's too bad. We were pulllin' for ya. Honest. By the way... I won a coffee. Ain't that great?"
Being the eternal optomist, however; last year I decided to change my attitude. I'll do the same this year. Now, when the blaggards call... "Scrubbie..." they'll say... "have you won yet?"
And, Scrubbie will answer: "Why, yes, as a matter of fact. I did."
"Scrubbbie..." they'll say... "Way to go bud! At last! What'cha win?"
I'll answer... "I won another chance to play."