Sunday, September 21, 2008

Van Man, The Beast and Icky Dick.

Kids - the wife and I were gigglin' our arse's off this aft outdoors in the sunshine. We suddenly realized that we both are big fans of creating TITLES for various characters that have sauntered in and out of our lives. Allow me to share:

VAN MAN. Cripes - years ago when the wife and I were living in an apartment along the student ghetto street in town here - Hazel Street (blech), there was this dude that decided to take up residence in the parking lot. He was creepy, icky, and just about as nasty as you can get. Lived in this sh*tbox blue van. Even had an extension cord coming from the apartment building out to his van. Let's not even talk about the bathroom issues here. When the wife and I packed up and left after the last time that the apartment building was surrounded by police, we moved into our first house. I think it was, oh, about a week and a half after the official move in and who do we see across the street from our lovely home - VAN MAN! The wife and I did a few things at that moment: 1. FREAKED OUT. 2. Drank heavily 3. Hid indoors. FORTUNATELY - turned out VAN MAN was just visiting some nasty folks who were on their way out of the place across the street. Let's all say together: PHEW!

THE BEAST. Yes, The Beast. The wife and I were camping a number of years ago. We are quiet campers. We don't use the electrical sites. The hot entertainment is CBC radio. If we aren't making food, clearing up from eating food, or simply relaxing - then we're playing Cribbage. A few sites down and across from us, there was this couple. A mouse of a guy - couple of feet tall and skinny... wow... would fall over if the wind blew. Then there was his darling wifeypoo. Not a little gal. Know that the wife and I are not "ewwww fat" or "ewwww skinny" types. But, important to know that the wife certainly had the edge on the dude. And, soft and gentile would not be the most appropriate adjectives for her. One sunny afternoon, the wife and I were hangin' out - just doin' our thing - when we hear a voice bellow through the woods. Loud enough to make leaves fall and small rodents run. Crass enough to make hair grow on babies. Shrill enough to crack stone. It was the wife across the way communicating with her mouse of a dude. "MOVE YOUR ASS.. I'M HUNGRY". Yes - it was at that moment that we crowned her "The Beast".

Finally - Icky Dick. Oh - let's call it 10 years ago. The kid was just surfing his first birthday. The wife had a wonderful thought. Let's babysit someone else's brat for a while. So we did. We knew this couple from Birthing Class (or whatever the hell you call it) and they were spouting out a kid roughly the same time we were. So, their kid, coming up to his first birthday as well, was the choice. So - creepy parents turn up with their pasty white kid who knew only one thing... how to whine and cry. Argh. Anyway - came time to change the diaper. Well - from that moment forward, the kid was christened with his "Scrubbie and Wife" nickname. Important to know: his real name was Brian. Not Richard.

Ready for a SCRUBBIE SURPRISE? Just click HERE.

Have a great night!

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